Impaler for President

They don't call Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Jonathon Sharkey "The Impaler" for nothing: a self-described "Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch" with the "Magikal Path" name of "Lord Area," he is a "strong believer and supporter of Impalement for terrorists and criminals." The operator of two covens, a disabled army vet, and a former pro wrestler and boxer, Sharkey's platform includes an opposition to war, more support for education and veterans' services, religious freedom (naturally), boot camp for juvenile offenders, a blacklist of American companies that relocate offshore and, yes, impalement of terrorists (among others). The best part: Sharkey is running for president, so he can take impalement national. The impaler launches his gubernatorial campaign in Princeton, Minnesota, tomorrow, Friday the 13th.

I stand corrected: A post on political quotes at Governing.com includes Sharkey:
“Thank you very much for placing Jonathon’s name for the race for Governor. However, he is a Satanic Dark Priest, not a Wiccan.”

Jonathon Sharkey, the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party candidate for governor of Minnesota, in an e-mail to the Politics1.com blog, after a post mistakenly identified him as a "Wiccan Dark Priest"


tiny robot said...

"The owner of two covens, a disabled army vet, and a former pro wrestler and boxer..."

Upon first reading, I thought you meant he owned a disabled army vet! Regardless, he seems an interesting character.

muse said...

Ugh! And this is why I'm a fairly private wiccan... bleh! (and btw, satanism has _nothing_ to do with paganism... satanism = christianity based, paganism = earth based spiritualities)

Anyhoo, it will bring some colour to the elections I guess. Wasn't there a porn star candidate in California last time around? heh

Clint said...

I emailed him when I saw on his website that he has a Ph.D.


I see on your page http://www.jonathonforgovernor.us/Home_page.html that you have a Ph.D, but I don't see listed on your bio page where you did your doctoral work. Where did you do your Ph.D, and what was the topic of your dissertation?



and got back this response:

SCU my dis was about the fact judges who are elected by the people are no different than any other politician. They can be bought!

Nel Sangue,


to which I replied:


Thanks for your prompt reply.

When did you get your Ph.D? And can you clarify SCU?

Also, speaking of judges, do you think that judges who are appointed
(as opposed to those who are
elected) are less culpable of corruption?



and got this back from him:

Southern Christian University - in Lake Charles, LA.

Some Judges are corrupt no matter if they are elecetd or not. Cause they are puppets of their partys.

Nel Sangue,


Never one to let a good farce die, I replied:

Hi Jonathan,

I checked with SCU (at
http://www.southernchristian.edu/degreeprograms.htm) and they only offer
D.Min (doctorate of ministry), Ph.D. in Christian Theology, and Ph.D. in
family therapy. Maybe I'm looking at the wrong SCU as the address
listed on their website is in Montgomery, AL which is quite a ways from
Lake Charles, LA.

Can you confirm that your dissertation was on judicial corruption,
because it seems unlikely that a dissertation like that would have been
approved by a school of ministry or psychology. Also, can you provide
the ISBN or ISSN number for your dissertation? I'm very interested in
historical patterns of judicial corruption in the 19th and 20th


and got this just a minute ago:


I did it through correspondence courses. My number is in NJ. I am not really sure if the school is 'approved' or credit. I enjoyed the courses, and I passed all my examines. Whether or not the school is accredited, truly doesn't matter to.

I completed the required studies and I am very proud of it!

Nel Sangue,


Apparently if you get your Ph.D. by correspondence, they just waive that whole "spelling" requirement.

Anonymous said...

Update on the "Impaler"
Gubernatorial candidate Jonathon Sharkey being held on 2 Indiana felony warrants
by Luther Dorr
Princeton Union-Eagle

Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, who announced in Princeton Jan. 13 that he was running for governor, was arrested at his Princeton apartment about 8:30 Monday evening.

Princeton officer Todd Frederick initiated a search yesterday afternoon that led to the discovery of two active felony warrants from Marion County (Indianapolis)?in Indiana.

The 2005 warrants were issued in May for stalking and in September for escape on a $100,000 bond.

Sharkey is being held in the Mille Lacs County Jail in Milaca and Indiana authorities have indicated they will come to pick him up, said Princeton Police Chief Dave Warneke Tuesday morning.

Anonymous said...

What a freak. Implaing people. what good would that do. Fear is a terrible thing to install in people and if that's his campaign strategy then GOD be with him.

Anonymous said...

I was researching realpresidential candidates and came across this guy.

He is, or has been, investigated by the Secret Service, for his plan to "impale King George Bush" as he calls him. He also refers to the Secret Service as The Secret Squirrels.

Maybe it's my very real and accredited degree in Sociology, and I just love a weirdo, but I am fascinated by the idea of some one so deluded running for president.

I'm writing about him (and some other freak candidates for my blog). May I quote you on this subject?

Paul Schmelzer said...

Quote away, Elisabeth!

Unknown said...

If you wish to have the skinny on some of jonathans other up comming problems email me.