The most depressing day of the year: Yesterday I turned 34. I bought myself a steak and ate it alone, save for my begging dog. Then I drank some wine and talked on the phone with my girlfriend who’s 3,000 miles away. I forgot to eat my cake.

But that’s not why yesterday was such a bummer. According to British doctors, misery peaks on my birthday every year. By January 24, the glow of Christmas has worn off, but the debts linger. New year’s resolutions have been chucked, daylight shines on us for fewer hours than any other time, and the weather’s near it’s coldest (at least around here). How depressing is it? The BBC quantifies it scientifically:

The formula for the day of misery reads 1/8W+(D-d) 3/8xTQ MxNA.

Where W is weather, D is debt - minus the money (d) due on January's pay day - and T is the time since Christmas.

Q is the period since the failure to quit a bad habit, M stands for general motivational levels and NA is the need to take action and do something about it.

In the absence of a PayPal account, sympathetic readers can inquire via email about arranging a donation; just put “January 24 Fund” in the subject line.

(Thanks, Cameron.)