Aw, hell. 666 isn't the number of the beast. The guys at Iron Maiden are gonna be pissed when they hear this: 616 is really the number of the beast, according to researchers who have been analyzing a new fragment discovered from the Book of Revelation. David Parker, Professor of New Testament Textual Criticism and Paleography at the University of Birmingham, says, "This is an example of gematria, where numbers are based on the numerical values of letters in people's names. Early Christians would use numbers to hide the identity of people who they were attacking: 616 refers to the Emperor Caligula."

No big whoop, says Peter Gilmore, High Priest of the Church of Satan (I'm paraphrasing). "By using 666 we're using something that the Christians fear," he says. "Mind you, if they do switch to 616 being the number of the beast then we'll start using that."

Hey, waitaminute! If 666 isn't really a satanic number, then maybe the forked finger gesture used by heavy metal rockers and George W. Bush alike really isn't a satanic symbol. Y'think?